The Mob Rules!

Oh dear Satan! Metalheads the world over get their day in the cg-generated sun as Jack Black plays the lead in Brutal Legend. Usually, we ask, "Is this metal?" But look at that brutal trailer. That brutal music! There is no doubt. THIS IS METAL!

Lists are metal

Okay you stupid, inbred, socially maladjusted, emotional doods -- that is what we are, right? -- start thinking about what the greatest metal albums of all time are. To. You. I don't give a fuck what was influential, what sold the most, yabba dabba doo. I'm curious to see where you clowns get your kicks. I don't know, top 25 or so. Top 50, whatever floats your heavy metal boat. Start metalstorming and get ready to face the slayer.

Is it metal?

I knew I was at a metal show because of all the guys who looked like they just crawled out of their basements for the first time in 30 years. Matted hair, longer than their mothers', and faded, torn metal band t-shirts worn well enough you could tell they weren't from any vintage shop. The b.o. from never having to clean up for a girlfriend was foul and everywhere. It was easily made up for by the lack of pretentiousness - no guys with designer hair, manicures or emo fashion sense. The few girls who were there clung to the walls avoiding the mosh pit to come, or on rare occasions looked like they had just come from a biker bar and would break a bottle over your head just to see what you'd look like in red. And the bartender looked happy enough to give it to her just to instigate some fun and violence, and hopefully kill his boredom.

Rub you raw

Seems somebody went and recorded bass over all the "Justice" tracks...This is still my favorite Metallica album, meaning its pretty much the best album ever. Take that Dave Mustaine...

Blessed are the Sick

America, get to the doctor. Bloody hell, can't even escape The Politics when I get my metal on. A curse upon ye, bastard nation!

The Over 30 Mosh Crowd

Well, I must confess, I am in my early/mid 30's, and I got a case of the metal today, and now my back got thrown out as I tried showing my wife my moshing moves. I got nothing else.

Sat Testament

SOS, HELP ME

I have a quiz. I must answer the following question properly. Please help!

Q) For a hill they will kill. Why?

A) They do not know
B) They do know
C) They know but aren't saying.
D) None of the above.

Last of the old school

You know, just before the Black album, which ushered in an era of watered-down metal from other old school favorites like Megadeth (Countdown to Extinction) and Anthrax (Sound of White Noise), it was amazing how many bands were coming out who were actually taking it harder than ever. Cases in point, Pantera and Sepultura. Sure, each band would have a role to play in the eventual rise of crap rock Nu-Metal, but just as everyone else was beginning to write ballads and love songs onto their albums, or hiring John Bush to sing for them, Pantera was turning almost into grindcore with their crunchy anti-ballad, This Love, and Sepultura released one of the classics of thrash metal, Arise.

Gandhi's just a minor threat

We can talk about Minor Threat, right? I mean, Slayer covered some of their songs so they can't be all bad. Regardless, it's pretty funny watching Sir Ben Kingsley lip sync Ian MacKaye and rock out.

Sir Ben Kingsley STOMPS into the shoes of Minor Threats' Ian MacKaye from Mean Magazine on Vimeo.

Bang your head...

...metal health will drive you mad!

Is this metal?

It is terrible, but it might also be metal. Are deranged, dangerous and random acts of violence metal? There is a connection between horror films and metal, so think on that.

Because who hasn't wanted to assault Oasis at some point?

Sure, the guy is at an Oasis show, but as he has done something every metal-head has probably wanted to do for years, I officially dub him metal. Now get better taste in music.

Anyway, Cracked has some good tips on how to punch Noel Gallagher - or any other member of Oasis for that matter - in the face.

Not sure what to say about this:

or this:


or this:


or this:

Is it better to be healthy or ill?

I asked Morbid Angel, and this was their reply:

The Question has been Answered -- Dogs Love Metal!

Things Don't Look Good - Genghis Tron

I can't help but be cynical about all the young poser metal bands out there now. But, Genghis Tron almost disconnected my head from neck they made it bang so hard with this video that moshes through the back alleys of the third world. And, with lyrics like "flames will walk the Earth," we're definitely in Number of the Beast territory. But then what is this about? "Drags the steel sprawl out towards the sea, pile these cold souls so tight they’ll hardly breathe..." Metal about urban sprawl? Really?

White Collar Metal?

I'm not sure if this is really possible:

Death Becomes You

If this isn't metal, nothing is metal.

Duncan Hills Coffee - Dethklok

This goes out to Horatio, who can't function without his morning metal brew.

If you think you love metal...

....you know you'll love this:

Well I've got something to say

I killed your baby today
And it doesn't matter much to me
As long as it's dead

Welcome to Furious Metal

Oh yeah... we're really doing this.